Going Out In Your 40's

This is a sad subject folks. If you are sensitive, you may not want to read any further.  

I went out with some friends for my 'girl's' 45th birthday.  I got a little drunk.  I danced.  I wore heels.  This was a week ago and I have not recovered.  

Be warned, ladies; even though your brain says you are still 20-something, your body has continued to move on.  Your body obeys the laws of time.  Your brain, it tricks you.  You have to listen to your body.  I know you don't want to, but you have to.  When you are in your 40's you cannot stay up past midnight drinking and get on with your life the next day like nothing ever happened.  No, your old-ass body protests that sort of abuse.  It fights back now.  It has become brave and damn well defiant!  It is no longer going to allow you to mistreat it like you did in your 20's; and if you try, it. will. punish. you.  And the punishment is severe.  Like a catholic nun at an all-girls school.  Your 40's body is mean.  

So, what I have learned and would like to pass on out of love for my fellow 40-somethings: your body is aging.  Your mind is still young but your body is not.  You have to start practicing what you were taught years ago - respect your elders.  

Bacon Grease

Yes, it's true.  So?  Have you tried it?  It's normal.  Why wouldn't you season your food with bacon grease?  These are all phrases that have come out of my mouth when defending my choice to season my food with bacon grease.  This is a normal thing to do, isn't it?  I never questioned it in my whole life until all these cooking shows came on T.V.  I don't care if some frou-frou chef from New England doesn't do it, I don't trust you anyway with your chutney and escargot!  Not healthy to put bacon grease in green beans?  I don't do it for the heath factor, it's all about taste.  The beans are healthy enough! If you want me to eat them then they gotta taste good!  

My first cook book was the Betty Crocker cook book.  You know the one, with the red and white tablecloth pattern?  Yeah, not much in there for me, I'm afraid.  It doesn't tell me how to cook my grandma's fried chicken or her fabulous cornbread.  Nothing in there tastes as good as any food I grew up on.  I'm just sayin'....  Speaking of grandmas....both of mine ate grease infused and fried food 3 meals a day every day of their 91 years of life.  Both died peacefully in their sleep of old age. Surely dreaming of their next fried pie.

So, before all you health nuts want to talk about how horribly unhealthy our southern food is, come down here and let me cook ya up some fried chicken, skillet-corn, greens and black-eyed peas seasoned with fatback.  I'll even make ya some cornbread (cracklin' cornbread, if you're lucky).  You can bring the chutney.

   

Snow Days

If you live in the south, this story will be boring.  You've already heard all I'm gonna say; you've even said it.  But for the rest of you, let me tell you about snow days.

This week we were predicted to have ice, snow and/or a wintry mix.  It had been about 60 degrees the 2 days before, we even had the air on at work the day before.  But Friday was supposed to "get bad".  It started raining on Thursday.  They closed the schools.  Someone said they saw ice forming in what I am sure was a 1/4" water puddle Thursday night.  The radar was showing accumulation on the way.  The news was predicting major power outages.  I don't know about you, but if it's raining and 40 degrees outside, and it's been 60-70 degrees for the past few days, I don't worry.  But, everyone was panicked.  Wal-Mart was out of bread by 10 am.  Milk was in demand.  Gas prices went up and generator prices sky-rocketed.   We got to close work early and in the call center where my husband works, the phone lines were put in emergency mode because so many people called in.  Keep in mind, it was raining.  

The thing I find so amusing by this behavior is most people here have been here their whole lives!  Haven't we learned years ago that if bad weather is predicted, it doesn't come.  Bad road conditions always and I mean always take us by surprise!  And anyone with common sense should know that if it's been warm, any snow that may chance it's way down is not going to stick....it is going to melt. 

Now, today is Sunday.  I woke up to frozen trees and it is cold, it's 36 degrees(above freezing). But as I sit here now, the ice on the trees is melting and the puddles in my driveway are just that, puddles.  No ice.  And I have to wonder, "are the schools still closed tomorrow"?

Road Rage

So yeah, we southerners are known for our laid back attitudes.  But whether you live in a big city like Atlanta, GA or a small blink-and-you'll-miss-it area like Sweet Lips, TN, you will be struck by the occasional bout of road rage.

I used to live in Memphis. I had to leave work at 6 am in order to assure I'd be there by 8. Sometimes I got there at 6:30 and sometimes, well, I'd be late.  You'd think in 4 lanes of north-bound traffic one would have the luxury of cruising along, shifting lanes as needed but oh, no. This was hardly the case.  Every other day there would be an accident.  Said accident would have lane 1 closed.  Ok, that leaves lanes 2 and 3 (4 is the exit lane and they go about 20 mph slower than everyone else). 2 lanes is plenty except...rubbernecking.  So yeah, if there's an accident, flat tire, topless woman driving...you will be late.  

Fast forward to me moving to a rural area.  I'm thinking, "Yay! I can sleep later!"  No.  I work 40 minutes from home and I have to drive a 2 lane highway with more hills and curves than Pamela Anderson.  It never fails, I wind up behind a log truck for 10 miles in a no-passing zone.  There are deer and dogs to watch out for and always a tractor or combine (whatever that is) going 5 mph. So, again I need to leave 20 minutes before normal just to make up for these obstacles. And yes, 20 minutes is a lot, I could be sleeping.  

The real rage, though, comes out when I get behind idiot drivers.  I don't understand why people can't just drive.  The speed limit's posted and you passed driving school, go on!  I have things to do and places to be!  Why are you breaking at a red light when it's obviously green?  Why are you driving slow in the passing lane?  Why are you just sitting at a four way stop when it's obvious you are next?  And why, for Heaven's sake did you come to a complete stop in the merge lane?  I can't stand it!  It drives me nuts just talking about it.  And they wonder why people drink and drive.

Sundays in the South?

In the fall and winter you better believe on Sunday afternoons, football is blaring on every economy car-priced HD flat screen TV in 99% of all southern households. This is where you will see the man you just had to wake up during the church sermon yelling, high-fiving and and jumping around all over the place like a 2 year old on a sugar high.  Speaking of church, I am convinced this is why service is over no later than noon.  Now, I'm not sure I can honestly say this is strictly a southern thing. Having never lived anywhere other than here, I wouldn't know. But I do know that as I sit, in glorious awe and watch the ranting, boisterous behavior of the man I love, I feel like this has to be a southern thing. Surely by the grace of God not all men are like this!  Now don't get me wrong, I love the south and I love a southern man, but good heavens this is ridiculous!  When I hear jokes or see parodies of "southern men", well, this is it and all I can do is shake my head.  Bless your hearts, southern women (or any woman related to a die-hard football fan)!  Now let me see if I can find where the cat is hiding...